Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
