fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
MIDGETS
????
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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