Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
