I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
