Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
