the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
