She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
