just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need to rekindle our bromance
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
