3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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