I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
