Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
