big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would fuck him just for his dog
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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