Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
