At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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