with your own penis?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
