I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
