I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dick very happy bro
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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