Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I FOUND THE LEGS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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