Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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