Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
