never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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