Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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