I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
