; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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