I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
