You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
