His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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