So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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