I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
