Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
