For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
