that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
