at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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