Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
