I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
