There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
