Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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