forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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