Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
