so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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