I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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