dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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