You don't have asthma, your pregnant
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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