hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
