I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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