dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
