im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
