Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
