put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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