You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
