I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
