im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
