So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
