Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
