And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
