Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
