Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
