She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
