I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
